Thursday, February 10, 2011

Joining the masses with glasses

It's finally happened you guys. I've been forced to hop on the four-eyed bandwagon. ::insert picture of nerdtastic person here, wearing atrocious glasses, and I'm sure that'll be my new look come about 3:30 this afternoon::
While I'm slightly relieved that, perhaps, my migraines will maybe diminish, I'm a tad concerned for what I'm going to see this first time I take a peek through my new specs.
Apparently, it's been a while since I've had a "legit" eye exam? Which might explain why I get completely nauseous from using my reading glasses (...hmmm...thanks, LensCrafters?). Yesterday, Donnie and I took our first trip as a couple to a doctor's office! (It was the optometrists, guys... come on, now...) I've never been someplace where I've had my eyes dilated. The Doc put these drops in my eyes and told me to keep my eyes shut for a couple minutes. Boy howdy! Those mothers burned from those eye drops! I couldn't have opened them if I'd wanted to!
So as I sat there, with my eyes closed, wiping away combination of tears, mascara and probably straight acid, I do my best to answer his questions...which were sometimes hard to understand since he had a rather ridiculous accent (thanks for being a melting pot, Houston!). No, my eyes aren't, I don't have a lazy eye...what? Did you not look at my eyes before you attempted to singe them out of my sockets?! Apparently not.
So now it's game time. "Ok. Open your eyes." So I do. Annnnd, I'm borderline blind. This should make for an interesting eye exam...since I can't SEE ANYTHING!! I think I even ask I supposed to be able to see? Because, I can't. "Oh, that's normal." Oh. Good. Thanks Doc. I'm sure you're going to be able to get a really accurate reading of how good I can see since you've completely Stevie Wondered me, here. After the usual "1 or 2? 3 or 4? A or 3?" he gets into the nitty gritty. And by that, I mean he somehow captured all of the light from the sun, put it in this little machine, and then forced me to look directly into it. Whatever damage wasn't done by the bleach he put in there earlier was just further solidified by burning out my retinas. He's telling me to look left, look right, look to his left ear, his right shoulder...I was getting totally grilled. For the first eye it was fine...ish. The second eye I was so flustered and worried about long term damage that I could no longer really differentiate between my left and right, let alone the dang doctor's.
The exam ended. Then the fun part: picking out my new frames. I used to like this part. I realized yesterday that it's really only fun picking out these new accessories that will be on your face all day every day when you can actually see your options. I was looking at rows and columns of frames with one eye shut in hopes that would make my options easier to see. It didn't help that my pupils were dilated to the size of Minnesota, and all of the frames were on a giant wall on flourescent lights. (My inner dialogue consisted of lots of this: "Oh, these are cute frames. Very versatile....Ohhh, they might be aqua...?" "Hm, these are nice...oh...they're men's...? Children's?") Fabulous. It also didn't help that, when my love came out of his exam, Donnie was just as blind as I was. I'm sure we made a really cute couple, me staggering around with one eye shut, incessantly asking Donnie "what do these look like?"
I have no clue what either of our glasses look like, nor am I entirely sure of the amount that I validated to be charged on my credit card. Here's hoping that, when I pick up my glasses today, I can actually see out of them. And they're actually women's frames...and cute.
Fingers crossed!

1 comment:

  1. At least with that guy we got our moneys worth. My last 2 exams went like this "Ok, the computer is going to tell us what your eye sight is, just look at the screen." and "What looks better 1 or 2? ok, you are done"